Chill the F*** Out

Coping with anxiety can often be a staid, tiring endeavor, and it helps to occasionally take a lighter approach. To that end, I give you this entry from one of my favorite blogs, Dear Coke Talk.

A woman writes in lamenting about her new boyfriend and some of the feelings that she’s experiencing.

My boyfriend and I are in what I suppose would be considered a “serious relationship.” I don’t date a lot, only had one other “real” relationship and it was a joke compared to what I have now. I have never felt better about myself, what I’m doing in my life, or where my life is headed. Even though I’m a college senior and about to jump into a life of uncertainty when I’m a person who hates change, I’m excited about what will happen to me and to us.

And:

Is it egotistical of me to think that after three months of a relationship he’s seriously considering our future together? After all, we talk about how we would raise kids and even looked at engagement rings (in what I thought was just a goofy moment).

Pretty typical stuff, right? And those of us with anxiety issues should immediately recognize a key phrase used by the reader. Did you spot it?

Dear Coke Talk did:

Okay, I need to read between the lines for a second. When you say “I’m a person who hates change,” what you really mean is “I’m a magnificent control freak.”

Also, when you say “I’m excited about what will happen to me,” what you really mean is “I’m terrified of the gigantic spinning fireball known as adulthood hurtling toward me at incredible speed.”

I point this out because it’s key to what’s going on here. You’re anxious about the future, and all of this silly flirtation with notions of marriage is merely is a coping mechanism for dealing with your crippling fear of uncertainty.

Bingo!

The rest of her response is equally precious. This passage stands out:

I know I’m stepping outside the boundary of the question here, but this next bit of advice doesn’t just apply to your relationship: don’t be in such a rush to play it so damned safe.

I know you can’t wait to be a music teacher and a stay-at-home mom, but why not start a fucking band first? You’ve got your whole life to drive minivans and vote for Sarah Palin. Go do something wild before settling down.

Go conquer your fear of uncertainty. Go spend some time experimenting with the human condition. Go have your own personal rumspringa and only come back when you know you’re ready.

Come on, you’ve got the soul of an artist. I don’t want you to regret not having any crazy stories to tell your grandkids.

Good advice for us all.

Men and Women Differ Under Threat

Perhaps there’s more to this “fight or flight” thing than originally thought:

When we’re under immediate stress—say, we are about to give a speech or about to be mugged—we either fight or flee, or so scientists have long preached. But some psychologists are now suggesting that this scenario may apply mainly to males. Men get antisocial under pressure, but women tend to react in the opposite way: they “tend and befriend,” engaging in nurturing and social networking, perhaps as a way to protect their offspring, according to a theory proffered by neuroscientist Shelley Taylor of the University of California, Los Angeles. Here at the Cognitive Neuroscience Society 2010 annual meeting, psychologist Mara Mather of the University of Southern California presented powerful new support for Taylor’s hypothesis in the divergent ways that stressed men and women respond to faces.

So men withdraw and women bond? That would certainly explain many things I’ve experienced over the course of my life.

Full article at Scientific American.