Beating the Fears

Zen Habits, always the helpful source of noble truths, has posted a handy guide to beating the fears that tend to hold us back.

Leo Babauta posits that most fears have their genesis in yet another fear – the fear of not being good enough. Babauta explains that in his life, the fear of not being good enough was sufficient to keep him from even trying.

That’s a bit of a head-scratcher to me. I grasp the idea that a lot of folks have issues relating to self-confidence or self-image that make it difficult for them to take risks because of the threat of repeated disappointments, and being constantly beaten down certainly makes it harder to rise up.

But the concept that the other fears Babauta lists – rejection, intimacy, success, going broke – are somehow inescapably entwined with the fear of not being good enough seems improbable.

They may all follow a common thread, and it’s possible the if you have repeated failures, rejections, or break-ups, that you may decide to stop trying, I’m not certain the linkage remains solely around not being good enough. That’s painting lack of success with a mighty broad brush.

Again, the lesson I take from this article is one of compassion for oneself. No one is perfect – even the best ball players only hit .300. So don’t be surprised by failure, and most certainly don’t be afraid of it, as it happens statistically more frequently than success.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And bears.

A Guide to Beating the Fears That Are Holding You Back

Stop Being a Jerk in 5 Steps

ZenHabits has a cute entry on how to stop being a jerk in five tiny steps.

Why would I link to such a thing here? Because some of the concepts are very applicable to developing a clear mind, free from worry, dread, and anxiety, and these things can help us improve our behavior and how we interact with others, all of which will serve to introduce a sense of peace and calm. And who couldn’t use a little of that?!

1. Admit you’re not perfect – now, it’s not like any of us control freaks and anxiety sufferers are perfectionists or anything. Right? We all find it incredibly easy to just say, “Whoops, messed that up! My bad!” And we never beat ourselves up afterwards, right? Bueller? Bueller?
2. Place  yourself in the shoes of others – that one is pretty obvious, but let me add a twist to it. When we spend time and energy learning different perspectives, it also gives us insight into how we might be seen by others. The results are often interesting.
3. Act with compassion and kindness – we’ve already had some discussion about self-compassion and how often we’re willing to cut others slack but not ourselves. So practicing kindness toward others is a good way to develop a sort of psychological muscle memory to remind us to do it all the time – and not just with others.
4. Practice, practice – again, a no-brainer, but persistence is really important, especially in dealing with panic and anxiety. We’re not always going to be successful. We’re not always going to get it right. But the old sports adage is that you play like you practice, because it becomes habit.
5. Do 5 little things – ZenHabits refers to performing 5 simple acts of kindness each day as a way to ward off your inner-jerk, and that’s good advice. Can you commit to performing a couple of kind acts for yourself everyday too?

5 Tiny Steps to Quit Being Such a Jerk