Beating the Fears
Zen Habits, always the helpful source of noble truths, has posted a handy guide to beating the fears that tend to hold us back.
Leo Babauta posits that most fears have their genesis in yet another fear – the fear of not being good enough. Babauta explains that in his life, the fear of not being good enough was sufficient to keep him from even trying.
That’s a bit of a head-scratcher to me. I grasp the idea that a lot of folks have issues relating to self-confidence or self-image that make it difficult for them to take risks because of the threat of repeated disappointments, and being constantly beaten down certainly makes it harder to rise up.
But the concept that the other fears Babauta lists – rejection, intimacy, success, going broke – are somehow inescapably entwined with the fear of not being good enough seems improbable.
They may all follow a common thread, and it’s possible the if you have repeated failures, rejections, or break-ups, that you may decide to stop trying, I’m not certain the linkage remains solely around not being good enough. That’s painting lack of success with a mighty broad brush.
Again, the lesson I take from this article is one of compassion for oneself. No one is perfect – even the best ball players only hit .300. So don’t be surprised by failure, and most certainly don’t be afraid of it, as it happens statistically more frequently than success.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And bears.
Anxious Kids and Meditation
Canada.com has an article posted that explores the benefits of meditation when it comes to children.
I’ve been a parent for a very, very long time, and I’ve often found it challenging to corral my kids long enough for lunch, let alone meditation. But I digress.
There’s no doubt that being a kid today differs significantly from growing up in different eras, such as me growing up in the 60s. The world is a much different place, from amount (and avenues) of stimulation to peer pressure to the ever-changing structure of the family.
Looking back at my youth, most of my stress and feelings of pressure were generated in one of three places – school (grades), family issues, and social situations. There was a lot of interplay between them, and as I look at my kids today, there isn’t a lot of difference (in my mind, anyway) in where they see their stress sources. Obviously, social pressures are probably more exacerbated today, but it could be safely ventured that with the advent of online communities and social media sites, finding others with similar interests and issues is easier than ever before. It’s much more difficult now to feel like you’re the only one who is experiencing something.
Nowhere within formal education is coping with anxiety and stress championed or instructed. Many times it’s up to guidance counselors and school psychologists / behavioralists to act on referrals from teachers or parents to engage with a student exhibiting the signs of anxiety. That’s not an optimal model, but it’s better than nothing. However, it can often occur well after the child has been floundering.
One of the things that meditation offers is the ability for kids to disconnect from the world for awhile in a controlled, peaceful manner. It’s unusual to see a child today who isn’t on a cell phone or hand-held game, plugged into an iPod, or otherwise on the receiving end of a constant barrage of stimulus. Having an opportunity to carve out time for reflection and self-awareness is hugely important, especially for teens, who are undergoing so much change that it’s easy to be confused about who you are and where you fit. Learning to be introspective, while time-consuming and a lengthy process, can be enormously beneficial.
Helping kids calm down is something we can all support. Meditation is one way to accomplish that goal.
East Meets West for PTSD Treatment
Anxiety Insights gives us a look at an interesting challenge faced at Boston Medical Center, where they needed to treat a large number of refugees monks from Tibet who were suffering from PTSD caused by the ongoing religious persecution there.
Doctors realized that there were significant differences in the approaches taken by eastern and western cultures, especially in how they viewed medicine, so the Boston Center for Refugee Health and Human Rights developed an innovative treatment program that leveraged and integrated both approaches.
Of particular interest was the participatory aspect of the treatment regimen, where the monks were able to actively engage in their treatment, rather than the typical structured approach, where the patient simply follows along where the therapist leads. This helped to ensure that any therapy involved did not conflict with religious or spiritual beliefs, which provided for a much smoother and hopefully more effective outcome.
Having used Buddhist learning and practice to compliment my own therapy, I can affirm that combining traditional and non-traditional techniques can certainly benefit the patient, and my own experience of integrating eastern and western methods leads me to be an enthusiastic supporter of this approach.
East meets west: Integrating cross-cultural treatments for PTSD
Stand by Me
Via YouTube, a collection of unknown street musicians from around the world contributing to a touching rendition of Stand by Me.
Riding the “E” Train – Mindfulness of Emotions
Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D., writing in his Psychology Today blog, digs a little deeper into the concept of being aware of your emotional state.
Equating it to a subway train approaching and then zooming past, Kaplan discusses how emotion rises to a peak, like the train coming on fast, and then subsides. He then provides a detailed exercise to use as a tool to recognizing emotional peaks and valleys.
It’s really part of the holistic approach to emotion that we discuss here from time to time, along with the linkage we attempt to establish between emotional and physical response.
10 Ways to Beat the Blues
BBC News Magazine has posted an article on some recommendations from mental health professionals on steps we can take to get the funk out, as it were.
Here’s the abbreviated list:
- Lightboxes
- Going out in the garden
- Get yourself out of breath
- Cook a meal from scratch
- Stroke a cat
- Pat yourself on the back
- Take up a lifetime hobby
- Do something for someone else – for free
- Seek intimacy
- Good things take time
The common theme coming out of this list is to slow down, stay engaged, and get connected to those around you. If that doesn’t work, perhaps a little John Lee Hooker or Robert Johnson is in order.
Anxiety, Depression, and Chronic Disease
I’m about to make an entirely unscientific statement regarding anxiety – it wears me out! Makes me tired, snatches my mojo, makes my ass drag…insert your own favorite expression here.
What is scientific is the link between anxiety & depression and long-term, chronic diseases. And I think my earlier statement is just a layman’s view of what has been clinically proven.
An extract from a study detailed in the Medical Journal of Australia demonstrates this relationship. For example, it’s known that people with anxiety have a higher incidence of stroke, heart attack, and cancer compared to the general population. Great…one more thing for us to worry about!
There’s been lots written about how stress and anxiety affects the immune system, and for me, being tired and wiped out at times means I don’t get as much exercise as I should, my diet tends to suffer (especially if I’m stress-eating), and I’m just generally not in good shape. So I need to be proactive at all times with a regimen that includes nutrition, fitness, and relaxation to help buttress against the health challenges that typically result.
As always, the key message is that getting treatment for your anxiety-related condition can be beneficial in helping you combat chronic disease as well. Live long and prosper!
eMJA: Depression, anxiety, and their relationship with chronic disease
Rumors of my layoff are greatly exaggerated
What a difference a year makes.
My wife sat down on the opposite edge of the sofa the other night and earnestly confessed that she had something important to tell me, but she didn’t want me to freak out. Easier said than done, but ok.
A bit of background – we both work for the same Fortune 50 company and for a brief time held roles in the same group, so we know a lot of the same people. In fact, my wife’s current manager is the same person who hired me into the firm.
What she wanted to tell me was two things. The first thing she wanted to tell me was that she had been trying to think of a way to tell me the second thing in a way that didn’t put me into fear and anxiety mode. She knew she couldn’t not tell me – that would breach one of our foundational agreements – but she was understandably upset and worried to the point that she reached out to a couple of her friends for support.
I’m glad she has friends like that.
What she wanted to tell me was that her boss had called her to see how we were doing since he had heard that I got laid-off, furloughed, riffed – call it what you will. That was news to her (and to me), and my wife assured him that I was still around. There was some conversation between them about how ridiculous it would be for the firm to can me, given my performance, and some chatter about how a whole bunch of people would be happy to have me in their organization if I did happen to come on the market. That was pretty comforting.
I listened to her tell the tale as she watched me intently for signs of a pending freak-out, but none was forthcoming. I was smiling and calm, remarkably at peace. What the heck?
It’s not like I couldn’t lose my job. There’s plenty of that going on in our firm, and I’m certainly no more mission-critical than countless others. They could pull the plug on me tomorrow, too – just because I’m not gone yet doesn’t mean I survive indefinitely.
What’s surprising is that I’m really not filled with dread or worry. That same condition would not have existed two years ago, and twelve months ago it would have been a struggle for me to cope so well. So what’s changed?
I’m begun to embrace impermanence as my new reality, fully realizing that things have always been changing, and any control that I thought I had asserted over past events was merely an illusion.
Instead, I’m open to the idea that things will change – today, tomorrow, next month. Anxiety and suffering come from trying to maintain the status quo when the universe is constantly in motion. Understanding and accepting the world as it is – floating on the currents as they ebb and flow – uses much less energy and allows me to focus on the journey rather than the struggle.
I’m feeling pretty good about that. I’ve worked long and hard to be able to let go. In fact, for the longest time, I had a sign on the wall beside my phone to remind me of my task.
Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.
Economy Causing Record Anxiety?
It’s impossible to turn on the television or radio without hearing more dire news about the current state of our economy. Upswings in unemployment, the FDIC taking over failing banks, and viola! We have ourselves a nifty recession to deal with.
Downstream of that are even more things being written and read about how this tempest is affecting the population at large, which seems like a pretty stupid question. It reminds me of when television reporters show up at the scene of some tragedy, shove their microphones in the faces of people who have suffered an enormous loss, and ask, “So how are you feeling about losing your house and all of your possessions?”
It comes as no surprise then to learn that groups like the Mental Health Foundation are sharing the results of studies that show roughly 37% of respondents feel more frightened than they used to. Two-thirds claim to be experiencing fear and anxiety as a result of the current financial maelstrom.
Ya think?
I’m not sure how you can pin the anxiety label on that. Anxiety is generally recognized as a mood state characterized by no identifiable triggering stimulus. Saying that a lot of people are fearful in this environment seems rational, but there’s a Gatling-gun of stimulus firing at us daily, which would seem to render any anxiety labeling inaccurate.
Of course, the 24-hour news cycle is being saddled with most of the blame for this rise in “anxiety”, so I suppose if you keep getting whacked on the head with a stick around the clock, there are bound to be some side effects. But we have the power to flip that switch to the off position, and we can also realize that watching a news report of a plane crash is bad, but watching it fifty times doesn’t make the crash any better or worse. It is what it is.
What do you think? Are you feeling more anxiety as a result of current events, or simply fear in different areas?
Anxiety Crisis Care Plan
Being in the information risk business, one of the things we’re taught to do early on is to develop a crisis response plan and implement it before there’s an actual….crisis. I know! Preparation – what a concept.
The thinking is that in designing your crisis plan in advance, you can test and tweak it to hopefully find gaps and weaknesses before you actually need it. Not only that, but having a plan on which to refer when a crisis hits can make things go more smoothly, as everyone knows their responsibilities, and you don’t have to remember this stuff or design it on the fly as you run around with your hair on fire, metaphorically speaking.
The same concept is true when it comes to having a panic/anxiety crisis plan. What are you going to do when you feel that familiar sense of dread creeping up? How about when you find yourself in full panic mode, where nothing makes sense and simply functioning is a challenge? Can you help yourself, or do you need help from others?
Anxiety Guru has a good article on developing a solid crisis care plan, including some of the resources you can call on in your moment of need. We’re sometimes a stubborn lot, convinced that we can fix it ourselves or just wait it out, but if we’re going to be honest here, that’s not always effective. It’s certainly not a plan.
The good news is that it’s somewhat therapeutic to design your crisis plan, especially if it entails bringing in friends, family members, and other supporters on whom you’d like to rely. The more they understand about what’s “normal” for you and what sorts of behaviors would cause you to kick off your crisis plan, the better job they can do of giving you the support you need.
So make a plan. Write it down to make it real, and refer to it from time to time. And let me know how it goes. If you come up with an outline of a plan that you think would be helpful to others, let me know and I’ll post it here for others to see. We’re all facing the same hurdles, so let’s share the wisdom!
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