Rumors of my layoff are greatly exaggerated

What a difference a year makes.

My wife sat down on the opposite edge of the sofa the other night and earnestly confessed that she had something important to tell me, but she didn’t want me to freak out. Easier said than done, but ok.

A bit of background – we both work for the same Fortune 50 company and for a brief time held roles in the same group, so we know a lot of the same people. In fact, my wife’s current manager is the same person who hired me into the firm.

What she wanted to tell me was two things. The first thing she wanted to tell me was that she had been trying to think of a way to tell me the second thing in a way that didn’t put me into fear and anxiety mode. She knew she couldn’t not tell me – that would breach one of our foundational agreements – but she was understandably upset and worried to the point that she reached out to a couple of her friends for support.

I’m glad she has friends like that.

What she wanted to tell me was that her boss had called her to see how we were doing since he had heard that I got laid-off, furloughed, riffed – call it what you will. That was news to her (and to me), and my wife assured him that I was still around. There was some conversation between them about how ridiculous it would be for the firm to can me, given my performance, and some chatter about how a whole bunch of people would be happy to have me in their organization if I did happen to come on the market. That was pretty comforting.

I listened to her tell the tale as she watched me intently for signs of a pending freak-out, but none was forthcoming. I was smiling and calm, remarkably at peace. What the heck?

It’s not like I couldn’t lose my job. There’s plenty of that going on in our firm, and I’m certainly no more mission-critical than countless others. They could pull the plug on me tomorrow, too – just because I’m not gone yet doesn’t mean I survive indefinitely.

What’s surprising is that I’m really not filled with dread or worry. That same condition would not have existed two years ago, and twelve months ago it would have been a struggle for me to cope so well. So what’s changed?

I’m begun to embrace impermanence as my new reality, fully realizing that things have always been changing, and any control that I thought I had asserted over past events was merely an illusion.

Instead, I’m open to the idea that things will change – today, tomorrow, next month. Anxiety and suffering come from trying to maintain the status quo when the universe is constantly in motion. Understanding and accepting the world as it is – floating on the currents as they ebb and flow – uses much less energy and allows me to focus on the journey rather than the struggle.

I’m feeling pretty good about that. I’ve worked long and hard to be able to let go. In fact, for the longest time, I had a sign on the wall beside my phone to remind me of my task.

Ride the horse in the direction it’s going.