Anxiety and Major League Baseball

Media outlets are reporting with much gusto that Detroit Tigers player Dontrelle Willis has been placed on the 15-day disabled list after a diagnosis of anxiety disorder. Let’s all hope that he finds treatment and peace, and that players, fans, and the media treat him with the respect he deserves.

The respect aspect is probably the least likely to be realized. Already, SportingNews.com has a posting up which equates Willis’ anxiety with the tendency of professional athletes to be adrenaline junkies and the columnist, Spencer Hall, posits that Willis’ illness is the most wacky baseball injury since Kevin Mitchell bit into a half-frozen doughnut.

Spencer, allow me to make you aware of something that perhaps you and your jock buddies may have missed. Anxiety disorder is not a wacky sports injury. It’s not like those of us who suffer from it choose to be afflicted, like Mitchell might choose a pastry. It’s a very real, sometimes crippling, often misunderstood condition that affects not only the patient but also those their families, friends, and co-workers.

If you could avoid phrases like “quaking nervous wreck” when referring to Willis, a great number of us would be grateful.

Compassion for Self-Healing

It can be frustrating to find yourself falling into the same hole of anxiety and panic, especially when you’ve experienced a modicum of success in avoiding the usual pratfalls. It’s easy to beat yourself up for resorting to the same stale behaviors. Let’s take a look at how we can use compassion inwardly to help the healing process along.

For those of you who have never heard the “falling into the hole” analogy, I’ll recreate it here, using Portia Nelson’s version. You can skip this section if you already know more about holes than you ever cared to learn!

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

So there you have it. When it comes to anxiety, however, many of us never make it to avoiding the hole, much less to strolling down a completely different street. We’re always conscious of the hole, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before we’re back in it, whether it’s because a gust of wind blew us in, or some event pushed us in, or for some inexplicable reason we jumped in ourselves, holding our nose with one hand like a child leaping into a swimming pool on a hot summer day.

Weariness can set in and we can begin to question our healing progress. Why can’t I do this? Why can’t I get this right? What the hell is wrong with me?

That’s where compassion comes in. Compassion for ourselves, the same sort of compassion that we find it easy to give to others without even thinking about it. If we see someone else enduring suffering or pain, we’re quick to demonstrate kindness and offer whatever assistance they may think would be helpful.

Why don’t we offer this same gift to ourselves? We’re certainly just as worthy of kindness and compassion as anyone else in the world. Aren’t we?

For me, when I’m in the height of panic, pain, anxiety, frustration, or self-loathing, I try to remind myself of a very simple thing. Other people feel this. I am not alone.

That basic truth can be very powerful, because the pull of difficulty, unpleasantness, struggle, and setbacks can be very strong. It can begin to feel isolating, and it’s easy to begin believing that you’re the only one in the world going through this. It’s helpful to understand that you’re not, that this is a struggle many people share.

That understanding can lead to compassion for yourself, equal to that you would have for others in the same circumstances. You’re doing the best that you can. There are good days, and there are bad days. This is not new in the history of the world. Everything is as it should be.

Other people feel this. Perhaps by allowing myself to feel this, and accepting it, learning and growing from it. and sharing what it’s like for me for others to read and understand, maybe, just maybe, it will help relieve some of the pain and suffering endured by others feeling the same thing.

Consider this my gift to you.